Quite Rude
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39656 men find optical sex pleasurable.
...the other member of the team is Paul Jr and they are coached by Phil's left arm's pet goose's most left toenail (when it's feet aren't crossed over). Needless to say...
...Davey-boy quite enjoyed his new name, and Phil's goose decided to get on with rapin' Rich...
..who promptly tore it's little penis off, slit its throat good 'n proper, & stuck it in a walk-in freezer ready for christmas dinner. Rich then sucked out Ben's eyes & used them as ear-muffs to block out the screams as he headbutted Ben into a fine paste which Dave thought would go nice with...
...Christmas goose. When Christmas rolled around David tried this theory only to find that Ben was minging and therefore totally unsuitable for...
...knowing what the hell minging meant. In other news, his evil twin decided to exact revenge on Rich for killing the good un' by...
…annoyingly making Rich get out of bed early on a Sunday morning to go Goose hunting with a M16 (with a flame-thrower duct-taped to the side) & a Big Fucking Sword (TM). After wiping the piss-midget out with his heavy arsenal...
rich went back to bed with dave in tow where they made sweet sweet love ..... (shudder) and dave screamed... "call me davey boy!" then they both decided to...
...wake up in their own beds Dallas style, realising that post #157 was a bad dream concocted by dead bint Harlotte who had been so hilariously disposed off in post #147 (so on with the plot). Rich then went to sleep because he had lectures at 9:00 AM...
...in specialist weapons training and spelling. "I wonder when this insanity will end?" David pondered, he then went on to ponder...
why charlotte had been branded Harlotte?? and whether the world would ever be the same again. after pondering dave bought some cheese and ....
...forcefully fed it to some vegans. Hehehe. Bloody vegans. Meanwhile Rich used his mighty length to...
...explain to Charlotte why he had branded Harlotte on her foreskin, for she resorted to gay sex as a "witty" retort to her being shot full of oxy-pro-bromifrancium-uranium-gayness oxide & being chained up in...
magical, endure-all cheese. Having accomplished cheese, Rich went over to molest Dave in his sleep, as his legnth was not enough to wake the slumbering brit. Having had his fun, Rich then...
...woke up becuase according to Ben "Rich went over to molest Dave in his sleep" so it was a horrible shitty dream made up by soon to be dead (again) Ben. Rich chucked his voodoo doll of Ben into the microwave & watched his body...
...inflate slowly over an extended period of time, meanwhile somewhere a million miles away Ben was screaming in agonising pain. All of a sudden...
...Ben's testicles exploded & he cooked from the inside out making a large mess on the...
...ice sculpture. Derek sat down on the rug and wept. Wept, for he...
...had been called up for the beetroot division of the British Army who...
...now use beetroots for ammunition. Derek was formed into a 30mm shell for a tank which was...
wheeled slowly over a cliff for no apparant reason (because of the idiots running our country) derek managed to escape, heroically dragging his hairnet with him and ran away to .....
...powder his nose. After much powderage he apologised to the...
...hairdressin' school, a safe haven for all homo beets, where he...
...found his tank perched precariously on the edge of a 3 floor window sill (having smashed through and destroyed all 7 floors above). They accepted his...
...greasy length as payment for the damage, Derek was passed around the faculty like a spliff at a hippy fest. The morning after the night before...
...Derek gave birth to a full grown wolly mammoth, he decided to name it after it's father, "hairdressin' school, a safe haven for all homo beets Junior." Thirteen and a half days later...
...the baby got hit by a truck, and we all had a good laugh, until...
...the truck ran over a cow pat and Paul got covered in shit and stunk even more. Derek left the big big arena head held down in shame, he had...
discovered that he could never amount to charlotte the great one who has just recieved offers from both leicester and birmingham!!!
and then he bought a snail...
Hey congrats, what do you want to do at Uni and what are the offers?
...and slowly crushed it using an elaborate and overly-complicated mechanism. Poor poor snail. Derek revelled in the...
..juices of the freshly deceased snail not caring that he couldn't get into university because of his sub-Forest-Gump IQ. Derek accidently invented a new element called Explosivo which...
thanks
i'm applying for physics and astrophysics 
offers are ABB and BBC so far 
.... exploded as one would imagine it to but also tasted of peppermint, derek marketed this element and.....
...it was very popoular but was recalled after it killed 13 people. Fortunately one of these people was GWBush and...
...Derek was made honourary member of Kerry's Krafty Krew & was adored by all sane people around the world. Bush's body was...
...was defiled in the worst manner of ways, one Elephant for example managed to rip the body in two with it's massive pole. Kerry was...
...overjoyed at the rippage & did order it to be issued on DVD so sane people may enjoy it again & again. Insane people...
...cried at the loss of such an idiotic and forgetful leader. Meanwhile Derek...
who had made much money from the killing of GWBush was literally rolling around in his cash....
"oh sweet money" he sang to himself
silly derek ... bless him...
...for he had sneezed. Eeew disgusting, he's got a dangler. Derek reached for a tissue to wipe the snot bomb away but SHOCK HORROR there were none left!!! He quickly...
...ordered his butler Jeeves to wipe it on his sleeve & burn his suit while he was still wearing it (the money had made Derek power mad & just mad). The death of Jeeves resulted in...
...minus one butler in the world. Woot! The butler union however did not like Derek's abuse of power and so...
...viciously threw panties at him for 41 1/2 days and nights, until they got bored, and walked away. Derek, who was now buried in panties, responded by...
...digging his way out, sweeping his cloak magestically and striding away head held high before collapsing due to extreme starvation. After being rescued by...
an oversized chicken...
(who meant to eat him, but was promptly struck down and bq'ed by Colonel Sanders (who just happened to be in the area))
derek told a lie... he said that...
...Colonel Sanders was a naughty poo poo head for bbqing his only friend. Colonel Sanders just...
...got viciously raped by a crowd of angry black people. This has been Bob Dole, reporting live.
Derek told another lie..."Ben Rogers’s sentence structures are NOT horrendously poor and are NOT ruining the story". Derek declared Holy War on the error filled grammar...
...and in unrelated news, some tumbleweed rolled past. Derek told another lie, "I am lying." Then the robot stood next to him tried to process this data and promptly...
...had his circuits messed up and blew his load all over...