#7 posted by David (david dot s dot harrison at gmail dot com).
...crazy schnizzle on it, his other hobby was fucking...
Saturday 11th September 2004 at 5:57:02 PM
#8 posted by Phil (freeman dot phil at ntlworld dot com).
... sharpened crayons. That night, having found the biggest drum in the world, Derek sat down with his lovely crayon wife Steve in front of the TV to watch ...
Sunday 12th September 2004 at 7:47:30 PM
#9 posted by Charlotte (charlotte dot travis at gmail dot com).
queer eye for the straight guy. steve however didn't enjoy this programme as he preffered rolf harris' "how to crayon to please your man(or beetroot)". so steve went upstairs to...
Sunday 12th September 2004 at 7:50:10 PM
#10 posted by Phil (freeman dot phil at gmail dot com).
... polish his waxy helmet. The next morning, the police arrived at the door, asking for the stolen drum back. Derek went to jail where he got bummed daily by ...
Sunday 12th September 2004 at 7:51:24 PM
#11 posted by David (david dot s dot harrison at gmail dot com).
...a very large cactus, unfortunately he was not allowed to rub any savlon on his wounds because...
Sunday 12th September 2004 at 8:21:59 PM
#12 posted by Phil (freeman dot phil at gmail dot com).
...medieval law prohibited the use of antiseptic creams to heal anal wounds induced by arid plantlife. Instead he rubbed his raw anus daily with...
Sunday 12th September 2004 at 10:41:41 PM
#13 posted by David (david dot s dot harrison at gmail dot com).
...mashed potato and fresly squeezed...
Sunday 12th September 2004 at 11:00:16 PM
#14 posted by Phil (freeman dot phil at gmail dot com).
semen. Derek finally escaped from prison a year later by bribing the warden with a large, slippery ...
Sunday 12th September 2004 at 11:05:32 PM
#15 posted by David (david dot s dot harrison at gmail dot com).
...eel, which the warden promptly sat on and proceeded to have a really good time. Derek managed to reach the...
Sunday 12th September 2004 at 11:08:37 PM
#16 posted by Phil (freeman dot phil at gmail dot com).
...highest can of beans on the shelf, which is an unrelated but noteworthy achievement for a root vegetable.
Sunday 12th September 2004 at 11:10:48 PM
#17 posted by David (david dot s dot harrison at gmail dot com).
Unfortunately Derek strained his hamstring while jumping up to reach the beans and had to...
Sunday 12th September 2004 at 11:12:10 PM
#18 posted by Phil (freeman dot phil at gmail dot com).
...sell his pancreas to pay for surgery. Derek then spent most of his days trading insulin with small boys for toffee...
Sunday 12th September 2004 at 11:14:01 PM
#19 posted by David (david dot s dot harrison at gmail dot com).
...turds. Derek didn't particularly like toffee turds but at least it gave him something...
Sunday 12th September 2004 at 11:15:43 PM
#20 posted by Paul Jr (prakoskejr at gmail dot com).
go to the market to barter for a new pair of socks...
Tuesday 14th September 2004 at 10:15:15 PM
#25 posted by David (david dot s dot harrison at gmail dot com).
...but he got distracted by the flock of flying...
Tuesday 14th September 2004 at 10:38:33 PM
#26 posted by Phil (freeman dot phil at gmail dot com).
...sharks with laser beams attached to their heads.
Wednesday 15th September 2004 at 11:53:10 AM
#27 posted by David (david dot s dot harrison at gmail dot com).
Who shot him dead and that was the end of Derek. His wife Steve saw this and...
Wednesday 15th September 2004 at 2:57:27 PM
#28 posted by Phil (freeman dot phil at gmail dot com).
took his bloody corpse to the local greengrocer who bought B-grade beetroot stock regularly from the locals.
Thursday 16th September 2004 at 11:54:25 AM
#29 posted by David (david dot s dot harrison at gmail dot com).
When Derek the half decomposed beetroot was somehow ressurected it was quite a shock to the great...
Thursday 16th September 2004 at 4:14:17 PM
#30 posted by Phil (freeman dot phil at gmail dot com).
...squirrel god Tim, who smote a mighty wrath on Steve, turning him into a half-eaten...
Thursday 16th September 2004 at 9:42:09 PM
#31 posted by David (david dot s dot harrison at gmail dot com).
...beetroot, which didn't turn out to be so bad after all, half eaten is better than half decomposed. And anyway, due to his extraordinary...
Thursday 16th September 2004 at 9:45:19 PM
#32 posted by Phil (freeman dot phil at gmail dot com).
...powers of flesh regeneration, he was back to his old self in no time (So in true soap opera style, Derek had come full circle without actually achieving anything).
That night, Derek went to visit...
Thursday 16th September 2004 at 9:48:17 PM
#33 posted by David (david dot s dot harrison at gmail dot com).
...his old decrepid grandmother, when he arrived he saw grandma Fridge huddled in the corner of a...
Thursday 16th September 2004 at 9:55:26 PM
#34 posted by Phil (freeman dot phil at gmail dot com).
...warehouse gathering dust. Derek was disgusted and decided to...
Thursday 16th September 2004 at 9:58:06 PM
#35 posted by David (david dot s dot harrison at gmail dot com).
...kick her in the vagina, luckily he missed and only got her in the stomach which ruptured and exploded his grandma. Oh well, he thought, at least...
Thursday 16th September 2004 at 10:03:07 PM
#36 posted by Phil (freeman dot phil at gmail dot com).
...I've got this entertaining bottle of benzene-based compound to play with. Derek sat and injected his eyeballs with various aromatic derivatives all day, until he decided that...
Thursday 16th September 2004 at 10:07:07 PM
#37 posted by David (david dot s dot harrison at gmail dot com).
...he wasn't a gimptard, and especially not a chemist, it turned out that it was just water that made the inside of his eyes shrivel up like your skin does in the bath. Then he picked up his shotgun and...
Thursday 16th September 2004 at 10:09:27 PM
#38 posted by Phil (freeman dot phil at gmail dot com).
...caressed its shiny end. After doing many other such pointless things, that led nowhere and were unrelated to his adventure, he decided it was time to...
Thursday 16th September 2004 at 10:10:25 PM
#39 posted by Paul Jr (prakoskejr at gmail dot com).
...end it all. He pulled out his Colt .45, model 1911A with a black matte finish and expensive rosewood grips. He loaded a single silver bullet and chambered the deadly round. He stuck the gun in his mouth then pulled the trigger. Beet blood and gore splattered on the walls from the gaping hole in the back of his head. Smoke wisped slowly from the scarred flesh at the edges of the gushing hole. The gun clattered to the ground moments before Derek toppled over, spreading beat blood and whatnot all over the cement floor as he lies in a pool of his own carmine fluids...
Thursday 16th September 2004 at 10:22:01 PM
#40 posted by Phil (freeman dot phil at gmail dot com).
...and then he woke up and it was all a dream.
Thursday 16th September 2004 at 10:54:37 PM
#41 posted by David (david dot s dot harrison at gmail dot com).
...or was it?
Yes.
But was it really a dream?
Yes.
Yes, Derek really had woken up, and in an un-related event Phil stopped being a gimp and didn't finish at the end of a sentence anymore. Derek decided to go a see...
Friday 17th September 2004 at 1:41:22 PM
#42 posted by Paul Jr (prakoskejr at gmail dot com).
...a prostitute -- his BBS (Blue Ball Syndrome) was very bad, and he needed...
Friday 17th September 2004 at 10:29:41 PM
#43 posted by David (david dot s dot harrison at gmail dot com).
...some suckage. As it turned out the sucking made the BBS worse and so in a desperate attempt to cure himself he cut...
Friday 17th September 2004 at 10:33:36 PM
#44 posted by Paul Jr (prakoskejr at gmail dot com).
...the prostitute to pieces, then hid the pieces in a suitcase, and...
Friday 17th September 2004 at 10:35:40 PM
#45 posted by David (david dot s dot harrison at gmail dot com).
...urinated all over it, then set fire to it. Dereks urine was actually 1,2,4-trimethylpentane (petrol) and the suitcase exploded killing...
Friday 17th September 2004 at 11:01:21 PM
#46 posted by Paul Jr (prakoskejr at gmail dot com).
...everyone in the building but Derek, who survived because his giant blue balls acted as a shield. Derek rose from the rubble in awe at what just happened, then...
Friday 17th September 2004 at 11:03:26 PM
#47 posted by Phil (freeman dot phil at gmail dot com).
...decided to go and see a doctor about his explosive urine problem. The doctor told him to...
who enjoyed eating horse,
One day, Derek went on an adventure to find ...
that he was a homosexual beetroot, who, like Phil, quite enjoyed pounding...
drums. He also played the saxophone. With his new found sexuality, Derek set off to look for ...
a bigger drum which ...
he spent all night with, doing all sorts of...
...crazy schnizzle on it, his other hobby was fucking...
... sharpened crayons. That night, having found the biggest drum in the world, Derek sat down with his lovely crayon wife Steve in front of the TV to watch ...
queer eye for the straight guy. steve however didn't enjoy this programme as he preffered rolf harris' "how to crayon to please your man(or beetroot)". so steve went upstairs to...
... polish his waxy helmet. The next morning, the police arrived at the door, asking for the stolen drum back. Derek went to jail where he got bummed daily by ...
...a very large cactus, unfortunately he was not allowed to rub any savlon on his wounds because...
...medieval law prohibited the use of antiseptic creams to heal anal wounds induced by arid plantlife. Instead he rubbed his raw anus daily with...
...mashed potato and fresly squeezed...
semen. Derek finally escaped from prison a year later by bribing the warden with a large, slippery ...
...eel, which the warden promptly sat on and proceeded to have a really good time. Derek managed to reach the...
...highest can of beans on the shelf, which is an unrelated but noteworthy achievement for a root vegetable.
Unfortunately Derek strained his hamstring while jumping up to reach the beans and had to...
...sell his pancreas to pay for surgery. Derek then spent most of his days trading insulin with small boys for toffee...
...turds. Derek didn't particularly like toffee turds but at least it gave him something...
...to shove up his savaged, bloody ass...
whilst attempting to stem the flow of...
insults being slung from the anti-pancreasless-assraped-beetroot group. Oh, as well as the blood, and...
...guts stuck to his face after he murdered that poor defenceless child in front of it's young mother. Anywho, Derek decided to...
go to the market to barter for a new pair of socks...
...but he got distracted by the flock of flying...
...sharks with laser beams attached to their heads.
Who shot him dead and that was the end of Derek. His wife Steve saw this and...
took his bloody corpse to the local greengrocer who bought B-grade beetroot stock regularly from the locals.
When Derek the half decomposed beetroot was somehow ressurected it was quite a shock to the great...
...squirrel god Tim, who smote a mighty wrath on Steve, turning him into a half-eaten...
...beetroot, which didn't turn out to be so bad after all, half eaten is better than half decomposed. And anyway, due to his extraordinary...
...powers of flesh regeneration, he was back to his old self in no time (So in true soap opera style, Derek had come full circle without actually achieving anything).
That night, Derek went to visit...
...his old decrepid grandmother, when he arrived he saw grandma Fridge huddled in the corner of a...
...warehouse gathering dust. Derek was disgusted and decided to...
...kick her in the vagina, luckily he missed and only got her in the stomach which ruptured and exploded his grandma. Oh well, he thought, at least...
...I've got this entertaining bottle of benzene-based compound to play with. Derek sat and injected his eyeballs with various aromatic derivatives all day, until he decided that...
...he wasn't a gimptard, and especially not a chemist, it turned out that it was just water that made the inside of his eyes shrivel up like your skin does in the bath. Then he picked up his shotgun and...
...caressed its shiny end. After doing many other such pointless things, that led nowhere and were unrelated to his adventure, he decided it was time to...
...end it all. He pulled out his Colt .45, model 1911A with a black matte finish and expensive rosewood grips. He loaded a single silver bullet and chambered the deadly round. He stuck the gun in his mouth then pulled the trigger. Beet blood and gore splattered on the walls from the gaping hole in the back of his head. Smoke wisped slowly from the scarred flesh at the edges of the gushing hole. The gun clattered to the ground moments before Derek toppled over, spreading beat blood and whatnot all over the cement floor as he lies in a pool of his own carmine fluids...
...and then he woke up and it was all a dream.
...or was it?
Yes.
But was it really a dream?
Yes.
Yes, Derek really had woken up, and in an un-related event Phil stopped being a gimp and didn't finish at the end of a sentence anymore. Derek decided to go a see...
...a prostitute -- his BBS (Blue Ball Syndrome) was very bad, and he needed...
...some suckage. As it turned out the sucking made the BBS worse and so in a desperate attempt to cure himself he cut...
...the prostitute to pieces, then hid the pieces in a suitcase, and...
...urinated all over it, then set fire to it. Dereks urine was actually 1,2,4-trimethylpentane (petrol) and the suitcase exploded killing...
...everyone in the building but Derek, who survived because his giant blue balls acted as a shield. Derek rose from the rubble in awe at what just happened, then...
...decided to go and see a doctor about his explosive urine problem. The doctor told him to...
do da cha-cha, and the beetroot complied, but Steve saw Derek dancing for the doctor, and in a fit of jealousy...
grabbed a broom and sweeped the foam...
...because we've all "sweeped the foam" at some time, right? Derek and Steve went home and...