Since the poetry thread from the oh-so-obsolete probes.tk website sort of went a bit dead, I thought I'd resurrect it here. Also, M@x said he enjoyed the old site because of the poetry thread, and he'd post here if there was one. So here it is! Please feel free to offend your forum buddies in verse here.
Since the old site is pretty much dead,
I decided to resurrect this old thread.
Now we can sit up all night
Reciting literary shite,
Right off the top of our head.
-Phil.
Phil holds the record for longest cumshot ever at an amazing 39629 feet!
Fuck me, fuck you.
What you gonna do.
My scooter runs like poo.
So I resort the shoe.
Walking I mean.
Over fields green.
Not to be seen.
Feel like Mr Bean.
Fuck me, what's that.
Poetry made of shat.
Straight from the head.
Gonna eat some bread.
Make it into toast.
God look at that ghost.
He's being the host.
He's making me toast.
Soz everyone, had to get one in.
I was playing on Doom 3,
With my knee,
Infact all of me,
Was so scary I had to flee.
Just got a new Musketeer,
Don't like to drink beer,
Taste's queer,
Over the edge I like to peer.
I likes to drives,
But I don't like bee hives,
I prefer to be in the skies,
Where the planes flies.
I'm not a spaz stick,
If you say I am then you're just thick,
I ain't the one being a dick,
You prick.
Dave you're the prick.
You're poem makes me sick.
Go and suck a dick.
M@X, yours sucks too.
I'd rather eat some spew
Than ryhme like you.
Suck a poo.
Only kidding fellas
I don't like to chew,
Or suck on poo,
I'm sure M@X doesn't too,
I guess what I'm saying is fuck you.
Phil, you're a cunt,
How dare you pull such a stunt?
You were very blunt,
How dare you make us bear the brunt.
Make a rhyme about yourself.
Today's date isn't the 12th!
When I walk in wet mud it goes squelch,
And I like to belch.
Well I'm off to play Unreal,
And to celebrate,
Here's a five-liner,
That doesn't even rhyme.
W00t.
There was a man named Phil,
Who took an oddly coloured pill,
His face went green,
He said things obscene,
And generally felt quite ill.
There once was a man called Bob.
Dave can suck out a bob.
...
Can't think of anything else.
Cambridge, Cambridge, a beautiful place,
A really astounding town.
Poor Phil is out of place,
He looks like he came from slough.
Wait, I have one.
Deep, dark, abysmal,
It runs over the edge,
It falls to the ground
Isn't that great? :-D
No.
My Three Prongéd Lover
I see your three prongs
And I feel my heart jump.
Whenever I see you
So fast the blood pumps.
I have many of you
An entire sack full.
A life without you
Would be simply as dull
As a life without color,
A life without smell,
A life without taste,
A life spent in hell.
I keep you in my car,
My bag, and my room.
I have killed for you -
They called you a spoon.
When I completed the act,
I thought of my dove.
The fool deserved it,
He insulted my love
And my honor, my life,
The release of my strife.
If it weren't illegal
I'd make you my wife.
But now I must leave,
Chinese food is calling.
I know that the truth
Will soon be appalling
But I fear that I might
Simply be falling
In love with chopsticks -
I'm sure you are bawling.
I wish I could be
With you one more night.
But my stomach beckons.
Sweet dreams. Goodnight.
Wearing A Smile
I came home from work, tired and sweaty.
I dropped my things on the floor.
I turned around with my head hung low
And there was a note on the door.
It told me to have a cold beer from the fridge
And a nice sandwich upon the counter.
It said to enjoy and to eat it real quick
And then to come upstairs and find her.
I sat down and ate my sandwich like a wolf;
I didn't have time for a breath.
It went down my throat with a quick gulp of drink,
Then I almost choked to death.
I finished my snack and I ran down the hall,
I stopped when I got to the stairs.
I said, "Where are you?" and I craved a reply.
I looked up and she was right there.
I knew what was planned for the rest of the night,
The sight was rather beguiling.
I stared at the top of the spiral staircase:
She stood there, naked and smiling.
Don't post your life story now... O_o
don't worry - i only put my humourous ones up. the rest are at http://skinneralamod.com/poems.html
Once upon a day,
I discovered my friend was gay,
I punched him in the face,
And to ensure his disgrace,
I killed him with a tea-tray.
Hehehe, I also altered your post for you dare to advertise.
ROTFL, Dave!
I cannot write poems,
it's not my thing.
You retards should all be sent to homes.
I'll call 'em up, really, this canary's gonna sing.