Earlier today I was walking downstairs when I saw my Dad was fiddling around with a paper shredder. The paper shredder didn't seem to want to co-operate though and I left the pair locked in a battle of wills.
When I got downstairs, after a while I heard the paper shredder shredding something. I casually commented to my mum, "So dad's got the paper shredder working then."
My mum then turned to me and asked, "What is he shredding?"
Well having not seen any paper waiting to be shredded lying around I said, "I don't know I didn't see, maybe he's caught his hand in the machine."
My mum then shot this down by asking, "Wouldn't he make a noise if he did that?"
She was right, I then jumped to the only obvious conclusion that can be drawn at this point, he must have gotten his tongue caught in the shredder and not be able to scream out in pain.
If you have any more stories like this one where the unfortunate accident victim was unable to cry for help in comical yet painful circumstances, please feel free to share them with us.
Alternatively, keep them to yourself you selfish bastard.